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Mid week funnies

Submitted by Rickjr on Wed, 13/06/2018 - 1:42pm

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Shearwaters branch had these jokes in their latest newsletter and I thought I would share as some of them gave me a laugh.

 

Murphy says to Paddy, "What ya talkin into an envelope for?" "I'm sending a voicemail." 

Paddy says, "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador. "Blow that," says Mick, "have you seen how many of their owners go blind?" 

I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin. 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it. I thought to myself, they've lost the plot! 

I was driving this morning when I saw a parked RACV van. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself, that guy's heading for a breakdown. 

When I was in the pub I heard a couple of plonkers saying that they wouldn't feel safe on an aircraft if they knew the pilot was a woman. What a pair of sexists. I mean, it's not as if she'd have to reverse the bloody thing!

Local Police hunting the 'knitting needle nutter', who has stabbed six people in the rear in the last 48 hours, believe the attacker could be following some kind of pattern. 

Just got back from my mate's funeral. He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball. It was a lovely service.